again for Rhonda

Wednesday was the funeral. I'm sorry I couldn't bring myself to go. I didn't want to see you lying there still and unresponsive. That's not how I want to remember you. I want to remember you smoking outside every hour on the hour, or remember your face lighting up at the mention of Jack and Natalie. Yesterday was hard for us here at the office. Lamma looks like she's aged 20 years in the past week since you've been gone. It's almost like now that the funeral is over with - it's official. Your family came yesterday to clean out your office. It's bare and empty now. Your sweater is gone, your plants are gone, the pictures of Natalie and Jack aren't on your desk anymore. It's almost as if you never existed here, and it plays tricks with my mind each time I walk past your door. For once, no one has jumped at the opportunity of having a big office with big windows. Looking out of them would be too painful. Seeing someone else in your place would hurt too. Even though we all know that it's impossible to replace you. I went to the cemetary yesterday during work. It was easy to find your spot. It was the one with the most flowers. I was glad no one else was there so I could have some time there alone. I'm sorry I couldn't stay long. I don't want to remember or think of you in that place either. So I just told you I missed you and quickly tried to calm the flood waters that seemed to be suddenly released from my eyes with one blink. Lamma put up a picture in her office from 15-20 years ago. It's an office picture of everyone with you front and center. I don't think you aged at all since then. I'm glad that it's how I will always remember you - youthful, vibrant, caring, and healthy. I would hate to have any other memories. Thanks for everything you were, and still are to me. Love you and miss you Rhonda.

For Rhonda

I got the call Saturday afternoon. I didn't answer my phone because I thought it was an on-call work related thing and I wanted to enjoy my afternoon. Once I listened to my message I felt like an ass for being so selfish. Not that answering my phone would have prevented anything from happening. It was already said and done. Work is going to be a struggle without you. I purposefully went to my office the other way, just so I wouldn't have to walk past your door and see your chair sitting empty. I no longer have the opportunity to harass you about your smoking, or joke around with you about your "second job" as a stripper and the possibility of putting up a pole in your office. You were definitely the coolest 60 something year old person I've ever known. And the only one I knew to have a tattoo. When I got my motorcycle, you came out and sat on it, and then set it up like you were going to ride off on it. You always gave me birthday and Christmas cards, and you were the first person to tell me you were going to miss me when I left to go to VCU. You were also one of the first to greet me upon my return. You were always observant, and concerned when I was losing so much weight. You were the only person to ask me if I was okay, and then despite my answer of "yes," you asked if I had an eating disorder. When I helped calm one of your clients, you wrote a letter to both John and Mandy about me. We used to talk about our mutual clients and despite how crazy and volatile they were, we liked them. You always helped me by educating me on eligibility stuff, and providing me with a ton of information about my clients.

Today is hard without you Rhonda. It's our first day back at work with you gone. There's no laughter this morning. There's no "good morning, how was your weekend." Just quiet, closed office doors, and tears.

I miss you Rhonda.

For Cristina

I know that lately
Things haven't been so good
I always saidIf I could ever help you I would
I love you
For a thousand years

I'm hereTo wipe away the tears
I will be your friend
till the end of time
I will be your friend
I'm here to make you smile

When your fallin apart
I pick up each piece
Build a wall around your dreams
The punches to your heart
Melt away when you never thought they'd heal
So trust in meT
hese are the words I tattoo on you
If hercules can pick you up
I will I really am true

I will be your friend untill the end of time
I will be your friend
I'm here to make you smile
I love youFor a thousand years
I'm hereTo wipe away the tears

You've got so much to give
I'll tell you just when you need to know
Get out and live
Pick you up when you're feeling low
So here's my hand

Trust in me I really am true
You've got to understand
There's nothingI wouldn't do

I will be your friend untill the end of time
I will be your friend
I'm here to make you smile
I will be your friend untill the end of time
I will be your friend
I'm here to make you smile

You've got so much to give
Get out and live
I will be your friend untill the end of time
I will be your friend
I'm here to make you smile
The Punches to your heart
When your falling apart..

love you cris.