Work shmurk.

Work…it’s not really any better. I’m counting down the months until I can leave. Which is sad. I mean, I like it here, but at the same time I don’t. I came back for two major reasons (aside from the fact I was contracted to) – Roy and Mandy. My two best friends here, who kept me sane, and who I loved hanging out with. Little did I realize how much things would change in the two years I was gone. Mandy no longer has time for anything other than work, school, and her family. I have to schedule an evening where the two of us can go to dinner together. And that’s only happened once. I have only seen Nicolas 2 or 3 times since I’ve been back. And I’ve been back almost a year (it’ll be a year on Jan. 18). And Roy – he left for Texas in March, and prior to that he had a girlfriend. Now they’re engaged. He’s back, but I haven’t talked to him or seen him. So basically, the major reasons keeping me here no longer exist. I was stupid to think that things wouldn’t change. I also think I’m retreating back into my shell. I enjoyed being in Richmond and Charlottesville because I could be out. I liked that feeling. I don’t have that here. I’m scared to be out here. And I will do anything to protect it, but in the same time, I’m losing what sense of self I had found in Richmond.

So I’m counting down the days until I can leave. Although I don’t know what I will do afterwards. I said that I wouldn’t do CPS again, but I’m not sure. It makes me feel bad though if I left to do DSS somewhere else. Like I’m saying to my old coworkers that I don’t like them and I needed a new environment. I love them, but I’m pulling away more and more. But then I think I’m probably pulling away because I know I’m going to leave. The same thing I do with everyone. Anyhoo – I also thought about going somewhere that I can work on my LCSW. What I really want is to go live on that island…with a handful of good friends, a volleyball, some cards, and a good book.