what's that on your neck?

kim left a hickey on my neck, and people at work keep asking about it. "my rash is spreading" i tell them. i have another UTI, so i blame it on the medication. these lies are getting out of hand. i'm not going to be able to keep up with them all. kim did it on purpose. it is funny though. i told her paybacks are a bitch.

marriage? what?

i can't believe that i've decided to jump on the committment bandwagon. this is ridiculous. basically, i just can't sit around and wait anymore for cristina to come to my side of the tracks. and frankly, i'm disappointed. i thought i could hold out...but apparently i was wrong. i suppose it's better this way though.

july 22. somehow i have to come up with an ass load of money to pay for all this. the ring, a hotel, etc. the ring itself is approx. $600. i don't know if it's going to cost more to get the inside engraved or not. so let's just say it'll be $650. then the hotel at the beach. and i'm going to pay to put laurie in a room for a night, and vicki in a room for a night. i'd pay for cris too, but she'd kick my ass. and i'm already going to pay for her plane ticket to maine.

i think my brain is messed up.

well, i must work on my presentation. it's tonight. perhaps i'll be ready by then.

eff me i forgot i had a paper due

i think that dating someone while attempting to finish your last semester in grad school is not a good idea. i'm definitely distracted. we got up this morning, and as i'm getting ready for school and to take kim to work, i realize that i have a paper due in my first class and i had completely forgotten about it. oops. so i rush to campus to type up my paper, which i just finished, which is crap. i also have another paper i was supposed to have finished, but i seem to have misplaced my jump drive for the time being and now i can't do it. i can't wait to tell my professor i don't have it done. she's not going to be happy with me. and it's really no excuse, because it should've been done a week ago. i need to get my act together. it doesn't help that i have senoritis and springtime-itis as well. dammit. but if i can find my stupid jump drive, i can have the one paper done and to my professor by tommorrow afternoon.
damn. gotta love school.
anyhoo - enough about school. now family/kim. so kim is african american. something my parents are most likely not going to like. kim knows this, and therefore doesn't want to hang around them. that bothered me until this morning. before coming to campus, i ran home to get some change for parking and grab something to eat. my mom had taken the day off, so i got to chat with her. note - i haven't come right out and told my parents kim and i are dating, but i'm pretty sure they know since that's where i stay every weekend. anyhoo - mom is trying to get me to pack up the rest of my stuff and get it out of the house. she made a comment this morning about how maybe one day instead of going to kim's i could come home and pack up my stuff. i said "maybe i'll make kim come help." my mom's response? "i don't think so." now, instead of asking for clarification and/or responding, i kept my mouth shut. now i don't know what mom meant. did she mean she doesn't want kim coming to the house? is it because mom doesn't like me dating a black woman? or does mom just not want kim to see my mess? i doubt that it has anything to do with kim seeing the messiness. i know this because i had mentioned something about you helping me pack/move and maybe getting mandy to help. no such comment was ever made to those suggestions. or maybe mom is just having a hard time dealing with my dating someone at all. who knows. but why is it that even though i'm 27 friggin years old, i can't speak my mind and ask questions of my parents? should i go back and ask mom what it meant? should i come right out and tell them i'm dating kim? i just have a hard time with that idea. i've always kept stuff from my parents regarding who i was dating. in 8th grade, mike gave me roses, a teddy bear, and some smelly lotions for valentines day. to this day, my dad still doesn't know who gave me that stuff. ridiculous. the whole incident this morning makes me wonder how i'd be able to have my parents come to my ceremony. then i think maybe i shouldn't have one at all. how can i invite my sister (knowing she's cool with everything) and not invite my parents? aaaaaaaaaaaaacccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkk! i love being a social working and embracing diversity in a family that is the COMPLETE OPPOSITE.

why do these things need a title?

i was in the doghouse again this weekend. it went something like this - kim was making fun of me, which is usually fine, but i thought she had finished and moved on. then i tried to give her a hug, and she again started laughing at me and pulled away. it hurt my feelings, and without really thinking i said f--- you. she really hates that. she has a history with that phrase, so it bothers her immensely. i realized what i had done after i said it. oops. and when kim gets mad, she stops talking to me, stops looking at me, everything. i hate it. but i guess that's the point. but by the next day i had kissed her ass enough that we were okay again. relationships are hard. i can't keep up with what i can and can't say, and always find myself saying the wrong thing. and then i feel like crap. but you know - i care so much for her (as evidenced by my proposal), and i don't want to lose her. it's an interesting feeling. i haven't felt like this since meredith, and i try not to let that count because it was one-sided. with kim she feels the same. its a different feeling having someone reciprocate what i'm feeling. at least for the moment. i'm still really scared that she's going to leave. she's scared i'm going to leave her too. we're both so tentative, it's ridiculous. all i know is that i want to be with her. and get her name tattooed on my body. just kidding cristina. well, not really, but i'm not doing it.

the much anticipated blog

For you Cristina - there are many parts to the Kim saga I have yet to reveal. The most major important one is that I asked her to marry me....